Brain overloaded

I’m an introvert in an extrovert’s world. At the very least, I have to pretend to be someone I’m not, I do this most days. It’s like I put on a metaphorical coat to face the ebb and flow of my day.

As the day begins, my brain races. Ticking off task, after task, never quite reaching the end. I have had to accept that my life is impossible. There’s always something else to do, somewhere else to be, something else to see. When did this happen? When did my world, indeed, everyone’s world, become so much more complicated? When did we become so overwhelmed with choices and responsibilities?

I am fortunate, I have made choices in the past that have brought me a long way from where I started, and for this I should be proud.  But my choices have meant that I have had to mould my psyche to fit in.

 

 

IMG_2011When the day finishes I can become myself again, in the safe confines of my own home. Does this mean that I am not a ‘real’ person? Or worse, that I am faking a persona?

I hope not, it just means that in order to survive in my world I have to transform myself to a temporary extrovert or a convincing ambivert.

People may be surprised by my confessions, but I am a difficult person to really know.      I feel guarded, much like I cannot share my true inner self. I listen more than I talk, this does not mean that I do not have views. It means that I prefer to fully form my views in my mind before vocalising them. I am not a social butterfly, the thought of small talk with many people fills me with dread.  I do not need many people around me, so by the end of my day I am exhausted.

It’s almost like I do not really understand, or can even comprehend the amount of information that my brain is bombarded with every day. Which is why the title of the blogpost is… brain overloaded!

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